Being a Power Ranger means dedication. Nobody embodies that more than Tommy Oliver.
Continue readingCoZ Entry #000 – Tommy Oliver
CoZ Entry #034 – Lily Chilman
Stop yelling at me. It’s been a year since the last real entry, yeah, I get it. You’re Furious. It makes you want to go out into the Jungle and… you know what? Go find a nice field of… Lilies and just… just Chill, man.
Continue readingOnce & Always, CoZ’s future, and Other Thoughts
My expectations for Power Rangers reunions are low. Call it cynicism, old age, or 30 years of mostly subpar specials and team-ups. You don’t need RadBug 2 to jump over this low Juice Bar. That’s right, two cutesy references out of the way in one sentence of the first paragraph. How’s that for a pull-quote?? You already know this is gonna be a banger of a read.
Luckily, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Once & Always has more going for it than the majority of those aforementioned event episodes. And there’s a lot more to talk about than I’ll ever care to get to here. Now it’s time to over-analyze the shit out of this thing. So let’s go.
Continue readingCoZ Entry #033 – Conner McKnight
You thought the Mighty Morphin gang were teenagers with attitude? Dino Thunder had teenagers with actual attitude. Some of them were good attitudes. Others had some slightly worse attitudes. Bordering on assholes, even.
Completely unrelated, here’s Conner!
CoZ Entry #032 – Merrick Baliton
The “bad Sixth Ranger turns good” schtick had been done so many times by 2002 that it was probably difficult to keep it interesting. So they threw a chin beard on a handsome guy to mix things up a little. This is the story of Merrick, Defender of the Animarium, Ancient Warrior, Guardian of the Earth, and King Simp of Princess Shayla.
Continue readingCoZ Entry #31 – Mia Watanabe
CoZ Entry #030 – Cam Watanabe
You think your parents are strict? This guy’s dad wouldn’t even let him become a ninja. Talk about overprotectiveness. There’s wanting the best for your children, and then there’s just being no fun. Since I can’t provide Cam with therapy, I’m just gonna present you with the thirtieth Zordon Child as I normally would.
CoZ Entry #029 – Zack Taylor
I’ve seen most of MMPR so many goddamn times you would think I could just make an accurate assessment about the original 5 without re-watching every episode they’re featured in. But you’d be wrong. You’re lucky that I’m a man of integrity and honor that would never take such a blatant shortcut without doing the proper research.
We here at Children of Zordon believe in doing your homework. We also believe in taking your time with said homework. It’s not because I’m lazy, or that watching too much Power Rangers in one sitting will rot your brain faster than a Q-Anon convention. It’s because I take pride in truly sitting and absorbing each episode and giving them the individual attention that they deserve, taking great care in analyzing each detail to extract every little bit of juice from this color-coded fruit. After every episode, I assume a meditative state for at least 3 hours, contemplating the greater truths and consequences of what I just witnessed.
Especially the one where Zack’s afraid of bugs. Let’s check it out.
Continue readingCoZ Entry #028 – Damon Henderson
Occasionally, Power Rangers will take an animal Zord from Sentai and re-designate it to a similar (or not-so-similar) creature. Sometimes, Beetle Zords will turn into Mantis Zords. Or Dogs will become Wolf Zords. Lost Galaxy took the Green Falcon/Dragon hybrid creature from Gingaman and decided it was a Condor. I always thought that was odd. In what world are condors cooler than dragons? I mean, nothing against condors. I’m sure they’re perfectly nice guys. Some of my best friends are condors.
Anyway, here’s Damon.
CoZ Entry #027 – Koda
If you can’t tell by now, I like my Rangers weird. The ones that don’t fit the superhero mold. Sometimes they’re idiots with a heart of gold. Sometimes they’re dweebs with zero coordination and no right to be wearing a Morpher. Sometimes they’re big ol’ jerks who need to be put in their place. But on occasion, they’re really really old men that talk in broken sentences and break their friend’s cell phones out of fear. Like Koda.
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Children of Zordon 